Janelle's Blog

I Can’t Forgive You

Beyond the Glitter

The holiday season is here, in all of its tinsel and glitter. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

But, the holidays may also stir up emotions that are painful. They can spotlight lost relationships and sadness. If you are experiencing breast cancer, you may want to run and hide from the crowds, but it is important to get to the heart of those negative feelings. You may be angry that you have breast cancer or that someone you love died of breast cancer. These negative emotions can feed stress.

According to WebMD, “Seventy-five to 90% of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments and complaints.”

Think about a time when you suddenly became angry. Your blood pressure rose, you got an instant headache, your neck muscles tensed up, and you may have even got sick at your stomach. You could literally feel the poison of anger coursing through your body. It’s a miserable state of being in which many people dwell all of the time.

WebMD further states, “Forty-three percent of all adults suffer adverse effects from stress.” I don’t think we fully take into account how hard negative feelings are on our bodies.

As I write this blog, I am sitting in my home study listening to spa music, completely relaxed so that I may be fully engaged in a conversation with you. Relaxation clears my mind and helps me focus. I have lived in both realms, stress and calmness. Believe me, a peaceful lifestyle is a better choice.

Unforgiveness is one of the closest buddies of stress. It’s easy for people to say you should forgive someone who has hurt you or tried to destroy your life. But, when you try to do it, you seem to go in circles with your thoughts – forgiving one day and angry the next. Unforgiveness is something people try to ignore. Even my spell-check won’t acknowledge it as a word.

Holiday Tips on How to Forgive:

  1. Gauge Your Unforgiveness

     

    If you want to know your level of contempt for someone, start talking about that person out loud and hear what comes out of your mouth. You may shock yourself. This will let you know whether or not you have really forgiven.

  2.  

  3. Release the Anger

     

    Clench your fists. Clenched fists tighten up your entire body and are indicative of a closed mind. Now, open your hands with palms turned upward. Notice that when your fists were clenched, you were unable to put anything in your hands. With open hands you are available to receive good gifts into your life.

  4.  

  5. Get Closure

     

    Psychologist, Dr. Phil McGraw says, “Getting emotional closure means that you can ‘close the book’ on your situation and its associated pain. You can put that book of pain on the shelf and you will no longer have to take it down and read from it on a daily basis.”

    He is right. If you can’t get closure from that person directly, get the closure within yourself. Once you have exhausted all ways of communicating with someone, write them a letter, but don’t mail it. Say everything negative or hurtful in the letter that flows out of you. Then, take a thick red marker and write the word FORGIVEN from the bottom left corner of the page to the top right corner. You will experience an amazing release.

Life is too short to live in the land of unforgiveness. Let it go and enjoy your holidays.

Thought for Today:

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” -Oscar Wilde

Live Life,

Janelle

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